Sunday, December 30, 2007

TWENTY AUGHT SEVEN WRAP UP: w/ Whitty Banter & special guest

EPISODE AUGHT SEVEN: snaps up or craps up?

*opening music swells*

BANTER: welcome to the annual presentation of THE WRAP-UP w/ Whitty Banter. i'd like to say that aught sev was for real. total ups and total downs but mainly a swell one. this year i'd like to introduce a special guest who along with yours truly will also give his opinions on fads both cool and those that took lodgings in Hotel Bummer this year. he's your regular BIG WHOOP host, a big round of applause for (reads card) Sqwit Burltoad.

*smattering of studio audience applause*

HERTFORD: uh, Banter? my name is Whit Hertford. not Sqwit Burltoad.

BANTER: peaches.


BANTER: if i'm gonna have a pie, it's gonna have some peaches in it. i don't care if ya wanna throw a pee-khan in there as well, or some punkin in it too - and i really don't care if it's a holiday or just a Tuesday...if it's pie, it's got LOTS of peaches in it. comprende?


BANTER: anyway, are you guys ready for a smackdown of fun?

*audience has gone home*

BANTER: oh my golly, calm down you animals. can you believe that audience, Sqwit?

HERTFORD: (punches Banter below the belt)

BANTER: (cough cough) eww, right in the Certs. alright, here are my downright love affairs of TWENTY AUGHT SEVEN:

If I Did It? by OJ Simpson

uhh, you did. certainly not a cliffhanger. and i mean, Kato? sounds like a cartoon chinese dog. and that cartoon chinese dog is a house pooch by day, and a dog party by night.

Jordin Sparks by Jordin Sparks

debut album? more like greatest hits album, cuz once you get this CD you don't need to buy anything else. you will have this mama on repeat FOR-EVER. at least i do, in my Mini Copper, purple sparkle finish.

tie: Who's Your Caddy? & Because I Said So.

"Shake it Like a Polaroid Picture" guy in a "white people are square" movie. cuz we are. i don't count though, i'm half Puerto Rican. and may i say, Mandy Moore, although man-like is sooo sassy in this picture and she's chalk full of adult problems and her Mom bugs. the thing is, i do admit that when i watch her, i have a sixth sense that she definitely has halitosis. just a hunch, but i can smell it from the screen. oh, and lest i forget Diane Keaton. why does she insist on wearing her eye exam sunglasses all-the-time? tacky.


HERTFORD: thanks Banter, and don't slobber all over the seven layer bean dip in the green room like you normally do.

OK, here are my picks:

i don't read as many novels as i'd like to, but KING DORK by Frank Portman is too legit to quit.

any old Tom Petty. the new Maritime (see previosu post) is tops. LCD Soundsystem, Of Montreal, any Sondre Lerche, The National & The Arcade Fire's Neon Bible are blazin' good - and check out any ol' Les Baxter or Martin Denny, not necessarily AUGHT SEVEN material but a keeper nonetheless.

ALL of my absolute favorite filmmakers managed to hit GIANT homeruns this year in my opinion.

Wes did it spicy Indian style.

Joel & Ethan did it in gruff Western style.

& Tim did it with all sorts of dark gloomy London style...and tons o' blood style.

honorable mentions: lars & the real girl, rescue dawn, the savages, the assassination of jesses james by the coward robert ford, & 3:10 to yuma.

i am sure that i'll be able to add "there will be blood" to the mix.

boob tube
my lady and i are sort of redundant w/ some of these picks, but unequivoically Gervais & Merchant solidified their spot in TV history w/ the completion of Extras. one great show that pioneered a complete genre is one thing, avoiding the sophmore slump is another feat entirely.

i also loved this

these dudes

and w/o a doubt Supporting Actor of the Year

J.B. Smoove as Leon Black on CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM


Thursday, November 29, 2007

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

great job! great show!

award for craziest, most inventive show on TV right now goes to

don't believe me. take a look for yourself.....

Sunday, November 4, 2007

last of the 20s

november 2nd. The Hertford Twins busted into earth on that day. and now here we are...older.

dland beckoned to us, and we obliged.

A, E, I, O, U

slammed two Dole Whips. proud of that. in fact, we "snacked" quite a bit this time around.

did it up Blue Bayou style. the monte cristo / mint julip combo is royalty.

don't think that we did not double dip on The Tower of Terror, because we did. this little number below is further proof that i most often play the feminine role in our marriage.

but what's a birthday without the presents, am i right? the Taylors on Baylor introduced into our home Warioware:Smooth Moves for the Wii. it's boombastic and features tasks such as...

picking your nose...

and doing squats.

the festivities concluded w/ an evening of Apples to Apples AND Times Up joined by some real gangstas. the Nighty Nite crew was on hand and on the way out the door shot an alien film starring Klyle Arnie Arnoldsen, his future-y gadget and an evil hand chair. pure gold.

actually, the best thing about the celebration year in and year out is getting to share it w/ my little umlaut.

happy birthday to me. bring on 30. i ain't scared.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

episode 2007: the littles strike back

finally this year i was able to geek out completely and make my halloween dreams come true. that is one good looking leia. eegads.

Darth Vader in Love

Saturday, October 13, 2007

fonzie's rule

you will watch this and think that you are on drugs. i promise.

Friday, October 12, 2007

galactic disaster

staying with the space theme, here is a doosey that gets quite good around 1:40 in.

Saturday, October 6, 2007


what once was,

never will be again.

Saturday, September 29, 2007

jock at heart

training camp opens Monday.

while my Clips are banged up, i'll adopt these three for the time being.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Friday, September 21, 2007

top 2 AUTUMN goodies

very excited about both of these babies.

already cheated somewhat though.

i have seen ASSASSINATION and i concur wholeheartedly with the lady's comments here Casey Affleck, Sam Rockwell, Paul Schneider, & Garret Dillahunt are especially awe-inspiring. not to mention the impecible cinematography of Roger Deakins

and i've also heard two great tracks from the new MARITIME cd "Heresy and the Hotel Choir".
check it:

PLAY - guns of navarone
PLAY - for science fiction

of course this is exciting too

i've already picked out my duds for this year

Tuesday, September 18, 2007


this happened.

but, then i saw this...and was forced to give up my crown. good game, sir.

* note: watch as much as you can. there are some real gems throughout.
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the fact that he is fielding "requests" like it's KOST FM is really great. i'm tossed between which parts are more highlight worthy - it's either when he burps / barfs in his mouth around 1:37 in or when he takes a much needed rest around 3:33 in.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

the buffalo reconciliation

at this point in my living i've realized without a doubt that all grudges are futile. having a lack of love, understanding and forgiveness can be a major hinderance to a person's spiritual growth. also, that excessive criticism and negativity are poisonous. all simple ideas but easily neglected.

i find the buffalo to be one of the most magestic creatures on this earth

without getting in too deep - i have a friend that i recently reconciled with after a long period seperated us. this friend is the buffalo. i finally reunited with him this summer at Yellowstone National Park. His full name is Buffy Buffalo (see following picture). it was a beautiful thing to reconnect with this friend, whom i have not seen for quite some time.

the bond between this animal and what it represents to me has surfaced in my life in various manifestations in the past two weeks. the buffalo symbolizes to me respect, misunderstanding and quiet strength. all things i have had limited true knowledge of until recently.

the Great Sioux Nation believes that the rare White Buffalo is the great symbol of purity of mind, body and spirit, and the unifying of all nations.

being that a somber message is rather new to THE BIG WHOOP and my buffalo speech is suprising, rest assured my admiration for the buffalo does not even begin to come close to this fella's.

Friday, September 7, 2007


nothing's changed.

i know what you did on your summer vacation

here are some highlights from the Mausser/Hertford/Taylor/Jorgenson excursion

write this off of the "to do" life list.

and this.

i love you family.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

za za

my sister coined the term "za za". it's when someone is a little too fancy or showtime in the way they carry themselves day to day. these are the people that usually talk louder than most, use their hands A LOT when they are talking, and most often they start sentences with the preface, "When I'm on Broadway..." - where do these creatures come from? Mars, you say? No, but close. 9.9 times out of 10 these entities are brought to us via the high school musical express. parents, keep your kids FAR AWAY from the high school musical. it's VERY hard to rid your mind and soul of the affects of a high school musical experience- harder than beating a massive drug addiction or weaning your child from tons of promiscuous sex. don't believe me? i think the video below is proof enough. BEWARE THE ZA ZAs!!!!!!!!!!!!!

p.s. please pay close attention to both the foreground and background images - some "talented" hidden gems.

We've Got Magic To Do

Sunday, August 26, 2007

little britain

i kinda can't keep my love for this show contained.


rememember the commercials that use to have a shot of an egg on a frying pan, "this is your brain"? and then they fry the egg, "this is your brain on drugs."
well, this is what happens when your brain is on a lethal concotion of Beauty & Pageant.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007


proud to share traits w/ Albus.

You scored as Albus Dumbledore, Strong and powerful you admirably defend your world and your charges against those who would seek to harm them. However sometimes you can fail to do what you must because you care too much to cause suffering.

Albus Dumbledore


Draco Malfoy


Ron Weasley


Harry Potter


Sirius Black


Hermione Granger


Severus Snape


Ginny Weasley


Remus Lupin


Lord Voldemort


Your Harry Potter Alter Ego Is...?
created with

Monday, August 20, 2007

dude, where's my dead body?

this pulled up next to me. i drove away fast.


one afternoon i go to purchase one of my favorite delights here in the Burbank Township, a boba slush, at the Boba Loca.

upon my arrival i see on their sketch and doddle cork board, a drawing of an image that looks vaguely familiar.

i stole it in order to thwart my new stalker, whoever he/she is.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Sunday, July 29, 2007

whitty banter's midterm and coming soon reports!

i preface that whitty banter tends to take his entries rather seriously. i apologize for him and his snobbery ahead of time. just look at the pictures if the words start to make you vomit.

ah, alas the half way point boys and girls. and in no particular order and with an admittedly unfinished batch of films to see still (because my irish setter, Hank Jr.. has monoploized the viewing in our household this summer, i didn't get out as much as i would have liked - i really would like to set fire to our DVD copy of Gosford Park - Hank is OBSESSED):

these are the types of movies that make college film professors giddy in their tweed blazers. but these are also the types of films that are rare due to their unconventional storytelling. taking the diversity of styles and tones of various directors can be a risky endeavor, but this was the most gratifying viewing experience for me this year - i was enthralled from beginning to end. a small note that nick nolte must have a rotund, divorcee goblin hiding in his throat - those sounds are somethin' else . plus that natalie portman is a delight. like a buncha toffee chips on a non-fat yogurt. yum yum.

David Fincher is one of the few big Hollywood directors that is consistently appealing in his visual aesthetic film to film and never sells out. now i know that's a douchey description, but the man crafts a swell story and paints a pretty picture - which is most uncommon to be found in the same film. a stellar cast (with great turns from everyone like TOP GUN's Goose, to Roger Rabbit, and Norm "sonofa" Gunderson) litters this little number all with top notch performances - especially from Gyllenhaal, Ruffalo and Downey Jr.. a subtle, dialogue-driven thriller that delivers with scene after scene of gut-wrenching anxiety and tension. i also enjoyed the chracter of San Francisco, he did NOT get a credit. but it's the best work he's done, since Joy Luck Club.

the line is drawn in the sand with most people regarding Michael Moore, but i am unafraid to say that NO ONE speaks with such confidence and purpose as a filmmaker. and admist his library of important works, Sicko is evidence that he gets better and better. a window into the U.S. health care system is truthful, humble and strong. if you hate Michael Moore, you hate fat nerds. and that's mean. so stop it. hate dumb people. it's more fun.

my friend Whit said this:
"preach to me until you're blue in the face. i believe British comedy is better crafted, more inventive, and smarter than most American brand comedies. to me the English sensibility brings such impecible timing to comedy which has been exhibated in classics over the years from Monty Python, to Black Adder, to all things Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie, to recent spins by Stephen Merchant and Ricky Gervais and the fellas at Little Britain, Matt Lucas & David Walliams. now comes the Edgar Wright/Simon Pegg/Nick Frost trifecta, after their smash hit Shaun of the Dead, to join the comedy icon ranks."

WHOA! too much gushing from Mr. Anglophile. i mean, Hot Fuzz IS a bitingly satiric and hugely entertaining take on the buddy cop genre that is pitch perfect and has fun in it's form and execution, thus inviting the audience to sit back and enjoy themselves....but i'm not going to MARRY England! geez.

a hilarious, poignant and refreshing look at the rigors of courtship and child-rearing, with a sometimes raunchy, always "whitty"(misspelt purely out of ego) script that is superbly written, acted, and directed. every performance down the line makes the most of their screen time in the film and even the one line roles seem to find outstanding memorable moments. SPOILER ALERT: at the end the damsel has her "lady section" shown during the birth, for like a second and a half. it was like Mrs. Lippett's biology class - all the "cool" people in the theatre started snickering. yeah, it looked fake. i could tell it was a "lady section puppet". bummer that i recently heard Frank Oz made that actual "lady section puppet" and that they had to cut out it's other scene, because the voice was too much like Fozzie Bear. oh well, maybe it'll be on the DVD.

hey, Pixar computer guys...stop showing off at how good you are at making smart, fun, quality children's films. it's getting annoying. review = done.

HARRY 5 - the order of the phoenix ( are you happy "booksters"?)
the task of having to cram all the amazing nuiances and rich storylines supplied by Rowling's books into a 2 hour movie and make it understandable and engaging, is almost impossible. thankfully the Potter movies are doing a respectable if not great job of doing just that. with even more fantastic characters brought into the Hogwarts world, Phoenix beautifully depicts a world of change and uncertainty for our beloved heroes. Harry begins to accept his role as a leader and realizes his calling as the only one who can defeat the dreaded Lord Voldemort. Alan Rickman, Gary Oldman, Ralph Fiennes, Imelda Staunton, Jason Isaacs, and Michael Gambon are all in top form in Phoenix, keeping you wanting more. my one prob, too much magic. mix it up.

...or Das Leben der Anderen - my sweetheart pick and hands down early front runner for the coveted top spot at the end of the year. a complex, heartbreaking film about what all-pervasive spying did to people during life behind the Iron Curtain. the jewel of this film is a remarkably understated performance by Ulrich Mühe. tiny fact: my wife is German. so, there's that.

a big suprise. Werner Herzog marvelously directs the story of Vietnam POWs and their efforts to survive in this rich and honest window into the human will to live. Dawn felt like a throw back to the 1970s epic dramas such as The Deer Hunter in it's storytelling integrity. Full of beauty and endless amounts of suspense and action, Rescue Dawn refreshingly is void of pointless flash and commercialism. Christian Bale gives one of the few Oscar worthy performances so far this year, but never overshadowing the equally stellar efforts of Steve Zahn (in a remarkable change of pace) and Jeremy Davies.

with that, i turn the time back to WHIT HERTFORD

thank you Banter. i am highly anticipating these 3 films coming in the near future:



and Christopher Nolan's DARK KNIGHT

Thursday, July 19, 2007