Sunday, December 30, 2007

TWENTY AUGHT SEVEN WRAP UP: w/ Whitty Banter & special guest

EPISODE AUGHT SEVEN: snaps up or craps up?

*opening music swells*

BANTER: welcome to the annual presentation of THE WRAP-UP w/ Whitty Banter. i'd like to say that aught sev was for real. total ups and total downs but mainly a swell one. this year i'd like to introduce a special guest who along with yours truly will also give his opinions on fads both cool and those that took lodgings in Hotel Bummer this year. he's your regular BIG WHOOP host, a big round of applause for (reads card) Sqwit Burltoad.

*smattering of studio audience applause*

HERTFORD: uh, Banter? my name is Whit Hertford. not Sqwit Burltoad.

BANTER: peaches.


BANTER: if i'm gonna have a pie, it's gonna have some peaches in it. i don't care if ya wanna throw a pee-khan in there as well, or some punkin in it too - and i really don't care if it's a holiday or just a Tuesday...if it's pie, it's got LOTS of peaches in it. comprende?


BANTER: anyway, are you guys ready for a smackdown of fun?

*audience has gone home*

BANTER: oh my golly, calm down you animals. can you believe that audience, Sqwit?

HERTFORD: (punches Banter below the belt)

BANTER: (cough cough) eww, right in the Certs. alright, here are my downright love affairs of TWENTY AUGHT SEVEN:

If I Did It? by OJ Simpson

uhh, you did. certainly not a cliffhanger. and i mean, Kato? sounds like a cartoon chinese dog. and that cartoon chinese dog is a house pooch by day, and a dog party by night.

Jordin Sparks by Jordin Sparks

debut album? more like greatest hits album, cuz once you get this CD you don't need to buy anything else. you will have this mama on repeat FOR-EVER. at least i do, in my Mini Copper, purple sparkle finish.

tie: Who's Your Caddy? & Because I Said So.

"Shake it Like a Polaroid Picture" guy in a "white people are square" movie. cuz we are. i don't count though, i'm half Puerto Rican. and may i say, Mandy Moore, although man-like is sooo sassy in this picture and she's chalk full of adult problems and her Mom bugs. the thing is, i do admit that when i watch her, i have a sixth sense that she definitely has halitosis. just a hunch, but i can smell it from the screen. oh, and lest i forget Diane Keaton. why does she insist on wearing her eye exam sunglasses all-the-time? tacky.


HERTFORD: thanks Banter, and don't slobber all over the seven layer bean dip in the green room like you normally do.

OK, here are my picks:

i don't read as many novels as i'd like to, but KING DORK by Frank Portman is too legit to quit.

any old Tom Petty. the new Maritime (see previosu post) is tops. LCD Soundsystem, Of Montreal, any Sondre Lerche, The National & The Arcade Fire's Neon Bible are blazin' good - and check out any ol' Les Baxter or Martin Denny, not necessarily AUGHT SEVEN material but a keeper nonetheless.

ALL of my absolute favorite filmmakers managed to hit GIANT homeruns this year in my opinion.

Wes did it spicy Indian style.

Joel & Ethan did it in gruff Western style.

& Tim did it with all sorts of dark gloomy London style...and tons o' blood style.

honorable mentions: lars & the real girl, rescue dawn, the savages, the assassination of jesses james by the coward robert ford, & 3:10 to yuma.

i am sure that i'll be able to add "there will be blood" to the mix.

boob tube
my lady and i are sort of redundant w/ some of these picks, but unequivoically Gervais & Merchant solidified their spot in TV history w/ the completion of Extras. one great show that pioneered a complete genre is one thing, avoiding the sophmore slump is another feat entirely.

i also loved this

these dudes

and w/o a doubt Supporting Actor of the Year

J.B. Smoove as Leon Black on CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM