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kids are FAT

kids SAY the darndest things

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belated Merry Christmas.

BIZARRE GRACE JONES ON THE PEE-WEE HERMAN SHOW!!!

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kids do the darndest things

Boy Glues Hand to Bed to Avoid School

MEXICO CITY (AP) — A 10-year-old Mexican boy dreaded returning to school after Christmas break so much that he glued his hand to his bed. Sandra Palacios spent nearly two hours Monday morning trying to free her son Diego's hand with water, oil and nail polish remover before calling authorities, police chief Jorge Camacho told The Associated Press from outside the northern city of Monterrey.

"I didn't want to go to school because vacation was so much fun," Reforma newspaper quoted the boy as saying.

Palacios said Diego sneaked into the kitchen in the early morning to get the industrial glue, which he then slathered on his right hand. She didn't hear him get up, but later awoke and found him watching TV with his hand stuck to the bed, she told Mexican newspaper El Universal.

"I don't know why he did it," she told Reforma. "He's a good boy, but mischievous like all kids.'"

Diego's hand was fine, and paramedics managed to unstick him in time for class.

wish i thought of that trick when i was suffering through Mrs. Stromquist's 4th grade class. i would have gladly sacrificed my hand. hell, i would have super-glued my whole face to the bed if it meant i got to stay home from school. she was a royal beeyatch. and that's no lie.

i love that he says that he didn't want to go back to school because "vacation was so much fun". maybe the most correct statement i've ever heard.

mistaken identity

just to avoid anymore confusion and contrary to popular belief...i am not, nor have ever been, any of the following people:

animated bilbo
butch patrick aka "eddie munster"
tyronne "muggsy" bogues cha-ka from "land of the lost"
issac from "children of the corn"zelda rubinstein
although, i will admit that if all those individuals could defeat science & nature and collectively birth a single child, it might look A LOT like me. if in the future that actually ended up happening and my kid turned out like this, i wouldn't be unhappy about it at all. i think he looks TUFF!


and don't forget to check out videos from The Attack!here and vote FUNNY.

ABC @ CPK

below is a cautionary tale:

once upon a time i was re-heaing a slice of leftover California Pizza Kitchen pizza (tandori chicken flavor). while microwaving the said item i noticed during the last few seconds of "cooking" a strange crackling sound. i barely noticed this before the microwave beeped and i removed the slice.

i began to eat this slice of pizza. during one of my many bites i enocuntered something hard - which then turned soft and gooey. i thought to myself, "is this a bit of Indian herbs that i had never noticed in this kind of pizza before?". as i kept chewing i also immediately tasted a heavy mint flavor. at this point i pulled out the piece in my mouth. to my wonderful surprise i quickly gathered that the foreign object (and culprit of earlier "crackling" in microwave) was a piece of mint gum that had been wrapped in it's foil wrapper and placed in my piece of pizza.

before you go to CPK, be warned that you might enocunter someone's ABC gum all up in your Tandori Chicken pizza.