TWINS II

production has begun on the sequel to 1988's TWINS. the working title is STILL TWINS.

don't leave home w/o it

have meat, will travel.

obama-rama

BARAK MADE A NIFTY WEBSITE

the web(site)

The

Attack!

kidz like SPORTS

tree man

a thank you to my hero

job well done.

kids are FAT

kids SAY the darndest things

christmas in january

belated Merry Christmas.

BIZARRE GRACE JONES ON THE PEE-WEE HERMAN SHOW!!!

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kids do the darndest things

Boy Glues Hand to Bed to Avoid School

MEXICO CITY (AP) — A 10-year-old Mexican boy dreaded returning to school after Christmas break so much that he glued his hand to his bed. Sandra Palacios spent nearly two hours Monday morning trying to free her son Diego's hand with water, oil and nail polish remover before calling authorities, police chief Jorge Camacho told The Associated Press from outside the northern city of Monterrey.

"I didn't want to go to school because vacation was so much fun," Reforma newspaper quoted the boy as saying.

Palacios said Diego sneaked into the kitchen in the early morning to get the industrial glue, which he then slathered on his right hand. She didn't hear him get up, but later awoke and found him watching TV with his hand stuck to the bed, she told Mexican newspaper El Universal.

"I don't know why he did it," she told Reforma. "He's a good boy, but mischievous like all kids.'"

Diego's hand was fine, and paramedics managed to unstick him in time for class.

wish i thought of that trick when i was suffering through Mrs. Stromquist's 4th grade class. i would have gladly sacrificed my hand. hell, i would have super-glued my whole face to the bed if it meant i got to stay home from school. she was a royal beeyatch. and that's no lie.

i love that he says that he didn't want to go back to school because "vacation was so much fun". maybe the most correct statement i've ever heard.

mistaken identity

just to avoid anymore confusion and contrary to popular belief...i am not, nor have ever been, any of the following people:

animated bilbo
butch patrick aka "eddie munster"
tyronne "muggsy" bogues cha-ka from "land of the lost"
issac from "children of the corn"zelda rubinstein
although, i will admit that if all those individuals could defeat science & nature and collectively birth a single child, it might look A LOT like me. if in the future that actually ended up happening and my kid turned out like this, i wouldn't be unhappy about it at all. i think he looks TUFF!


and don't forget to check out videos from The Attack!here and vote FUNNY.

ABC @ CPK

below is a cautionary tale:

once upon a time i was re-heaing a slice of leftover California Pizza Kitchen pizza (tandori chicken flavor). while microwaving the said item i noticed during the last few seconds of "cooking" a strange crackling sound. i barely noticed this before the microwave beeped and i removed the slice.

i began to eat this slice of pizza. during one of my many bites i enocuntered something hard - which then turned soft and gooey. i thought to myself, "is this a bit of Indian herbs that i had never noticed in this kind of pizza before?". as i kept chewing i also immediately tasted a heavy mint flavor. at this point i pulled out the piece in my mouth. to my wonderful surprise i quickly gathered that the foreign object (and culprit of earlier "crackling" in microwave) was a piece of mint gum that had been wrapped in it's foil wrapper and placed in my piece of pizza.

before you go to CPK, be warned that you might enocunter someone's ABC gum all up in your Tandori Chicken pizza.

TWENTY AUGHT SEVEN WRAP UP: w/ Whitty Banter & special guest

EPISODE AUGHT SEVEN: snaps up or craps up?

*opening music swells*

BANTER: welcome to the annual presentation of THE WRAP-UP w/ Whitty Banter. i'd like to say that aught sev was for real. total ups and total downs but mainly a swell one. this year i'd like to introduce a special guest who along with yours truly will also give his opinions on fads both cool and those that took lodgings in Hotel Bummer this year. he's your regular BIG WHOOP host, a big round of applause for (reads card) Sqwit Burltoad.

*smattering of studio audience applause*

HERTFORD: uh, Banter? my name is Whit Hertford. not Sqwit Burltoad.

BANTER: peaches.

HERTFORD: what?

BANTER: if i'm gonna have a pie, it's gonna have some peaches in it. i don't care if ya wanna throw a pee-khan in there as well, or some punkin in it too - and i really don't care if it's a holiday or just a Tuesday...if it's pie, it's got LOTS of peaches in it. comprende?

HERTFORD: ?

BANTER: anyway, are you guys ready for a smackdown of fun?

*audience has gone home*

BANTER: oh my golly, calm down you animals. can you believe that audience, Sqwit?

HERTFORD: (punches Banter below the belt)

BANTER: (cough cough) eww, right in the Certs. alright, here are my downright love affairs of TWENTY AUGHT SEVEN:

pages
If I Did It? by OJ Simpson

uhh, you did. certainly not a cliffhanger. and i mean, Kato? sounds like a cartoon chinese dog. and that cartoon chinese dog is a house pooch by day, and a dog party by night.

tunez
Jordin Sparks by Jordin Sparks

debut album? more like greatest hits album, cuz once you get this CD you don't need to buy anything else. you will have this mama on repeat FOR-EVER. at least i do, in my Mini Copper, purple sparkle finish.

pictures
tie: Who's Your Caddy? & Because I Said So.

"Shake it Like a Polaroid Picture" guy in a "white people are square" movie. cuz we are. i don't count though, i'm half Puerto Rican. and may i say, Mandy Moore, although man-like is sooo sassy in this picture and she's chalk full of adult problems and her Mom bugs. the thing is, i do admit that when i watch her, i have a sixth sense that she definitely has halitosis. just a hunch, but i can smell it from the screen. oh, and lest i forget Diane Keaton. why does she insist on wearing her eye exam sunglasses all-the-time? tacky.

NOW I PASS IT ON TO SQWITBY BURLTOAD..... BURLTOAD ?

HERTFORD: thanks Banter, and don't slobber all over the seven layer bean dip in the green room like you normally do.

OK, here are my picks:

books
i don't read as many novels as i'd like to, but KING DORK by Frank Portman is too legit to quit.

music
any old Tom Petty. the new Maritime (see previosu post) is tops. LCD Soundsystem, Of Montreal, any Sondre Lerche, The National & The Arcade Fire's Neon Bible are blazin' good - and check out any ol' Les Baxter or Martin Denny, not necessarily AUGHT SEVEN material but a keeper nonetheless.

films
ALL of my absolute favorite filmmakers managed to hit GIANT homeruns this year in my opinion.

Wes did it spicy Indian style.


Joel & Ethan did it in gruff Western style.


& Tim did it with all sorts of dark gloomy London style...and tons o' blood style.


honorable mentions: lars & the real girl, rescue dawn, the savages, the assassination of jesses james by the coward robert ford, & 3:10 to yuma.

i am sure that i'll be able to add "there will be blood" to the mix.

boob tube
my lady and i are sort of redundant w/ some of these picks, but unequivoically Gervais & Merchant solidified their spot in TV history w/ the completion of Extras. one great show that pioneered a complete genre is one thing, avoiding the sophmore slump is another feat entirely.


i also loved this

these dudes


and w/o a doubt Supporting Actor of the Year

J.B. Smoove as Leon Black on CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM

LET'S ALL MAKE AUGHT EIGHT SOMETHING TO WRITE HOME ABOUT. HAPPY NEW YEAR'S!!!

wacko-aerobics.

great job! great show!

award for craziest, most inventive show on TV right now goes to
TIM & ERIC AWESOME SHOW, GREAT JOB!.

don't believe me. take a look for yourself.....

last of the 20s

november 2nd. The Hertford Twins busted into earth on that day. and now here we are...older.

dland beckoned to us, and we obliged.

A, E, I, O, U

slammed two Dole Whips. proud of that. in fact, we "snacked" quite a bit this time around.




did it up Blue Bayou style. the monte cristo / mint julip combo is royalty.



don't think that we did not double dip on The Tower of Terror, because we did. this little number below is further proof that i most often play the feminine role in our marriage.




but what's a birthday without the presents, am i right? the Taylors on Baylor introduced into our home Warioware:Smooth Moves for the Wii. it's boombastic and features tasks such as...

picking your nose...

and doing squats.


the festivities concluded w/ an evening of Apples to Apples AND Times Up joined by some real gangstas. the Nighty Nite crew was on hand and on the way out the door shot an alien film starring Klyle Arnie Arnoldsen, his future-y gadget and an evil hand chair. pure gold.



actually, the best thing about the celebration year in and year out is getting to share it w/ my little umlaut.

happy birthday to me. bring on 30. i ain't scared.

episode 2007: the littles strike back

finally this year i was able to geek out completely and make my halloween dreams come true. that is one good looking leia. eegads.

Darth Vader in Love

fonzie's rule

you will watch this and think that you are on drugs. i promise.